Be All You Can Be ~ The Newsletter

August 2009

My week has been spent planning the Bay Area conferences scheduled for September 18 and 19. I am working on other things today because my network associate in Oakland had to attend her cousin’s funeral. Apparently the cousin did a good job hiding her “secret” but it all came to light when her family received word that she had been shot in the head by her boyfriend.

It amazes me that physical abuse is still alive and well in the U.S. of A. It has been said that you can say where you’ve been but you can’t say where you’re going. I beg to differ. Shoooooot… I wish some n-word would roll up on me trying to take a swing. I just felt my blood pressure rise. For the life of me, I don’t understand. See, I was raised by a woman who didn’t tolerate this type of foolishness. My mama said, “He might be bigger than you and he might get the best of you – but you’d better go down swinging.”

But things ought not even get that far. Iyanla Vanzant said, “When you see crazy coming, cross the street!” Let me tell you something about crazy people. They ain’t all the way crazy. They can turn that stuff (I almost cussed) on and off. Ain’t it something how they will act a nut-fool behind closed doors and expect for their women to protect their reputation in public? I don’t think so! America is one of the few countries in the world where a person can be criminally prosecuted for merely disciplining devilish children, so you know the authorities will throw somebody up under the jail for dotting eyes and knocking out teeth. Even if the abuser is arrested and released 24 hours later (as most are), that’s more than enough time to get up out of Dodge.

Sadly, nobody wants to expose verbal, physical and emotional abusers. I realized that truth after sending last month’s Be All You Can Be Newsletter. Usually I receive 25-30 instant responses to my messages and more trickle in over the week. However, when I sent my last message (about Chris Brown/Rihanna/and Christian abusers) I got one reply which consisted of three words: “Sho’ you right.” I replied back, “This is one time when I don’t want to be right.” By the end of the day I had two more responses. The next day one more message hit my inbox.

My favorite response was from a former victim. She can tell her story better than I. Hold on while I find the message. Here it is:

"Tell it like it really is. I was in an abusive relationship for years and eventually after calling the police on my husband numerous times I told him that I could kill him whenever I got ready and nothing would be done about it because of the calls. He left me alone for a while and eventually he forgot and decided he would give it a try. I shot him, didn't kill him but I never had a problem with him hitting me again. I finally divorced him…”

I know this is an uncomfortable topic, especially for those who grew up watching this type of unhealthy behavior in the home. In order to find closure, you must first understand the cycle of abuse. You all remember Harpo from The Color Purple … he treated Sophia the same way he had seen Mister treat Miss Celie. And Mister only copied the way Old Mister treated Mama Mister. That is the way the cycle of violence continues until someone puts an end to it. Unfortunately for my associate’s cousin, her abuse came to an end when she stared down the barrel of a gun.

At Silly Women ~ The Conference our motto is: “You have choices all the time … and all the time you have choices.” Listen my dear sisters – don’t ever let a person convince you that you have no other choice. The devil is a lie. You have choices all the time … and all the time you have choices. And let the record reflect that when you refuse to make a choice, you have just exercised your right to make a choice.

Til next time - Be All You Can Be!

P.S. To all my male readers who are being abused (because women are crazy too), please re-read this message and replace the words “she” with -he-, “he” with -she-, “women” with -men-, and “sisters” with -brothers-.

Do you know someone in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship? http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/21

Do you know someone who was abused as a child?
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/35

Is the crazy person in your mirror?
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/320